Justice

I wanted to write a post today, but I’m pressed for time, so I’m going to take a shortcut.

The following is a skit I wrote as a brainstorming exercise on the subject of how language can be used to manipulate people. Since I no longer belong to a theater group and since the piece was never written to be developed as a performance in the first place, I’ve decided to post it here in an effort to say something about postmodernism, language, and science, a subject that HH introduced on his blog here. I’ll post the skit first, and then, in a postscript I’ll write as a separate post, I’ll explain how it relates to the value of postmodern style and discourse and how deficiencies of language can lead to deficiencies in knowledge.


Scene
A woman sleeping.
Enter Minotaur. He stops, looks at her, pokes her ribs to wake her up.
Woman
Stop it! Can’t you see I’m sleeping?
Minotaur
Madam, you can’t stay here. You’re trespassing.
Woman
Shh!
Minotaur
Madam, you don’t just invade someone’s home like this and start bossing them around. If I want to speak, I have every right to do so. I’m the king here. But you—you have NO right to do anything without my permission. You’re trespassing.
Woman
(She sits up, starts to rub the sleep out of her eyes)
I’m not trespassing.
Minotaur
I beg to differ, Madam.
Woman
(Looks at him, startled)
You’re a Minotaur.
Minotaur
Of course I am.
Woman
But you can’t be a Minotaur.
Minotaur
Like I said, this is MY kingdom, Madam. Not yours. You have no right to be telling folks what they can and can’t do.
Woman
I must be dreaming.
Minotaur
I’m afraid you’ll have to leave.
Woman
You can’t be a Minotaur, because Minotaurs aren’t real. I must be dreaming.
Minotaur
Madam, I’m trying very hard to be patient with you.
Woman
I’m dreaming you. You’re not real—so you can’t hurt me.
Minotaur
I’d rather not force you into exile, Madam—I’m trying very hard to implement democratic reforms here—but I’ve very nearly reached the end of my wits. I’m afraid that if you don’t leave at once, I’ll have to call in the guards.
Woman
You can’t force me to do anything, sir. Because you’re not real.
Minotaur
Oh … now I understand. Now I see what this is all about.
Woman
Do you?
Minotaur
You’re staging a coup, aren’t you?
Woman
A coup?
Minotaur
You’re here to assassinate me.
Woman
I don’t mean you any harm, sir. Like I said, this is just a dream.
Minotaur
It’s no dream to me, Madam. And the consequences for attempted assassination are gravely serious.
Woman
I’m not here to assassinate you. I promise.
Minotaur
Did you or did you not just say that I don’t exist? Did you not deny my right to existence!?
Woman
You don’t exist. This isn’t real. None of it. You’re not real. This place isn’t real. That palace in the distance isn’t real. That village isn’t real. It’s all a dream.
Minotaur
Ah, so you’re not just an assassin. You’re here to wipe out my entire kingdom, aren’t you? You’re waging war against me.
Woman
I’m going back to sleep. (Lies down)
Minotaur
Guards!! (Enter guards) This woman has just murdered an entire village and wiped out the castle and the countryside. Seize her at once. (They seize her)
Woman
Wait a second! You’re hurting me.
Minotaur
I gave you fair warning, Miss. It’s too late to ask for mercy now.
Woman
I haven't done anything wrong.
Minotaur
So you wish to plead innocent then?
Woman
Of course I’m innocent. I didn’t do anything.
Minotaur
Very well. Do you have council?
Woman
Council?
Minotaur
Legal representation?
Woman
No, I don’t.
Minotaur
Very well. We’ll appoint you an attorney. We are a democratic country, after all. We’re not the Barbarians you take us for.
Woman
I don’t think—
Minotaur
Council! (Enter defense attorney, his hair unkempt, his shirt half tucked, a bottle of booze in one hand). Council, you’ll be representing the defendant.
Defense Council
(Takes a drink, sits) Very well.
Minotaur
Prosecution!
(Enter prosecution team, accompanied by march music. All are dressed in identical suits and ties, holding identical briefcases.
A gallery, bench, etc. (a court scene) are set up.)
Minotaur
Court is now in session.
Defense Council
Your honor, the defense rests.
Woman
No, your honor. The defense does not rest.
Minotaur
Do you wish to testify on your own behalf, Madam?
Woman
I wish to say that—
Minotaur
Please take the witness chair, Madam. (An electric chair is brought out. She is forced to sit)
Woman
I wish to say that I did not kill anyone or wage war against your kingdom.
Minotaur
Is that all? Do you have any proof?
Woman
(Thinks)
My proof is this: I can’t have killed anyone, because none of this is real. It’s all a dream. You can’t kill people in dreams—not for real. (Gallery murmurs in astonishment)
Minotaur
Is that all?
Woman
And since none of this is real, that means you aren’t real—and your kingdom and all it’s inhabitants aren’t real. And you can’t kill or destroy what isn’t real. (Heightened murmurs)
Minotaur
(Angered)
Is that all, madam?
Woman
Well … well, yes. I think so.
Minotaur
Prosecution! Would you like to cross examine the witness?
(The team confers, then Prosecution lawyer number one steps forward.)
Prosecution number one
Yes, we would, your honor. (He approaches the witness) Miss …?
Woman
Miss Anderson.
Minotaur
Miss Anderson, your claim is that the victims of your horrendous acts are in fact not real, correct?
Woman
Well … well, yes. There are no victims. They don’t exist.
More murmurs.
(Prosecution lawyer number one confers with his team, as if confused by the answer. Prosecution lawyer number two then steps forward.)
Prosecution lawyer number two
By what authority, Miss Anderson, do you claim to determine what is real and what is not real?
Woman
Well … well, I’m not sure. I just know what I know, because … because I’m a real person, whereas … whereas you all are characters in my dream.
(Prosecution lawyer number two, in confusion, confers with his/her team. Prosecution lawyer number three steps forward.)
Prosecution lawyer number three
So you claim, that since you’re real, you have the authority to determine what is not real? Is that right?
Woman
Umm … yes. Yes, that’s right.
Prosecution lawyer number three
And do you have any PROOF that you’re real, Miss Anderson?
Woman
Well … well, I’m real, because … because I am, because … ah! because “I think therefore I am.”
(Confused, Prosecution lawyer number three confers with team. Prosecution lawyer number one steps forward.)
Prosecution lawyer number one
Your honor, due to the special circumstances of this case, I think it appropriate that we call in the official prosecutor.
Minotaur
The official prosecutor? Is it that serious?
Prosecution lawyer number one
Considering the nature of the offense, sir, I think it is. After all, the survival of the very kingdom is at stake here. We best have the real thing.
Minotaur
(Thinks)
Very well.
(Rock music sounds. Enter Official Prosecutor, a train of adoring fans and dancing women in his wake.)
Official Prosecutor
Miss …?
Woman
Anderson.
Official Prosecutor
Miss Anderson, you base your claim of innocence on the grounds that your victims are not real, correct?
Woman
Correct.
Official Prosecutor
And you base that assessment on the fact that you, as a “real” person, have the authority to determine what is real and unreal, correct?
Woman
Correct.
Official Prosecutor
Miss Anderson, isn’t it a fact that you are lying?
Woman
No.
Official Prosecutor
(Snaps his fingers in disappointment, regains his composure)
Isn’t it a fact, Miss Anderson, that you don’t have any authority to determine reality whatsoever because you yourself are NOT REAL!
(Gasps from the court)
Woman
(Shouting over the murmurs)
No, that’s not true!
Official Prosecutor
(Slight pause)
True or not true, Miss Anderson? In order to exist, you had to have been born?
Woman
That’s true.
Official Prosecutor
True or not true? In order to be born, you need to have had a mother who gave birth to you?
Woman
True.
Official Prosecutor
Your mother then is your producer.
Woman
Right.
Official Prosecutor
And in order for one thing to give birth to another, the conditions for the thing produced—for the effect—must be inherent in the producer; some portion of the thing being produced has to be present in the producer. I mean, ants can’t give birth to hyenas, correct?
Woman
Umm … correct.
Official Prosecutor
And you can’t produce fire from water, correct?
Woman
Correct.
Official Prosecutor
My tie, at this moment, can’t give birth to a sea turtle, can it?
Woman
Of course not.
Official Prosecutor
But a sea turtle can produce a sea turtle egg or a even a piece of jewelry if crafted appropriately, correct?
Woman
Correct.
Official Prosecutor
So in order to cause the existence of something the thing that’s created must be inherent in the creator, correct?
Woman
Uhh... Yes. Correct. I think so.
Official Prosecutor
Now, to restate your earlier testimony, you told the court that you were given birth to by your mother—that you were in effect produced by her actions, correct?
Woman
Correct.
Official Prosecutor
Which is to say that your mother is at least one of the causes of your existence, correct?
Woman
Correct.
Official Prosecutor
But, as you just now testified, the conditions for your existence were inherent in the creator—in your mother, to be precise—and if the conditions for your existence were inherent in your mother, that means that, in essence, you yourself were in existence at that time, correct?
Woman
I’m really not sure where this is going?
Official Prosecutor
Which means that you were already in existence prior to your mother giving birth to you, which means that your mother can’t be said to have “caused” your existence at all. You can’t cause the existence of something that already exists, can you?
Woman
Well, no, but—
Official Prosecutor
You were, as you stated, inherent in your mother, correct?
Woman
I suppose so, but—
Official Prosecutor
Which is to say that you existed prior to being created by your mother, correct?
Woman
Well, yes—in a sense, I mean—
Official Prosecutor
And you can’t cause something to exist that already exists, can you?
Woman
No, I suppose not, when you put it that way, but still—
Official Prosecutor
And if your mother didn’t in any way “cause” you to exist—if she didn’t produce you—then, by definition, she can’t very well be your mother, can she? (She thinks, doesn’t respond). Which means you don’t have a mother, Miss Anderson. (Still no response). Which means you were never born. (Again, no response. Long pause) Which means that you, Miss Anderson, do not exist. (He sits. Everything goes quiet.)
Prosecution lawyer number one
(Rises)
And if she doesn’t exist, your honor, she has no authority to determine what is real and unreal, which means that the entire basis of her defense—her claim of authority to determine the unreality of her victims—is verifiably false.
Minotaur
Yes. Yes. And that means … that means … that … that….
Prosecution lawyer number two
That means that she has no defense. Her entire testimony is a lie. She herself is a verifiable lie.
Minotaur
Right. Which means ….?
Prosecution lawyer number three
Which means that she is guilty.
Minotaur
She’s guilty?
Official Prosecutor
It means, your honor, that the evidence of the prosecution, namely your first-hand testimony, has gone unchallenged. And you may now give the court your ruling.
Minotaur
Guilty!
Woman
That’s not fair, your honor. You can’t be judge in this case. It’s not fair.
Minotaur
I can’t be judge in this case because I don’t exist, I suppose?
Woman
Because you’re the victim. You’re biased.
Official Prosecutor
Your honor, since the defendant has now admitted that you are in fact her victim and thereby confessed her guilt, I move that she be convicted for perjury as well as murder and other war crimes.
Minotaur
Guilty!
Woman
That’s not fair!
Minotaur
Silence in the court! Council, please silence your client. (The defense council wakes up, tapes his client's mouth shut, straps her to the chair). Considering the magnitude of your offense, Madam, I’m left with no choice but to give you the maximum penalty. You shall be taken forthwith from our kingdom and be made to spend the rest of your mortal life in exile from all human society and from all “real life”. You shall be tossed into the eternal abyss never to be seen again. Bailiff, take her away!
(The bailiff complies.)